Category Archives: reflection

I thought I knew you; what did I know?

I’m looking through you Where did you go?I thought I knew you What did I know?You don’t look different But you have changed I’m looking through you You’re not the same Your lips are moving I cannot hear Your voice … Continue reading

Posted in friends, grief, grieving, loss, loss of friends, reflection, rejection, sadness | 2 Comments

CPE, CPE, CPE, is there anything else? Oh yeah, CPE…

So it looks like I missed the big Camp Widow contest……Win a scholarship to Camp Widow, yada yada yada…Yes, I missed it. I have been running myself ragged and am plumb wore out. Let’s say, in theory, I’d won…I’d still … Continue reading

Posted in CPE, hospital chaplaincy, reflection | 2 Comments

May is among the cruelest months.

November is the cruelest month. (Sorry, T.S. Eliot…November, not April.) That was when Nelson died. This is the month of the six-month sadiversary…this year, it’s a year and six months. Everything is counted by that. Everything. May is a heavy … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grieving, reflection, seasons, T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land", unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widowhood | 3 Comments

So. Christmas. And New Year. Yeah.

It went ok.The beginning of the month was hard. The beginning of the month is always hard. Because that’s when It Happened, you know. It’s the every-month-sadiversary. I do not like it.And it seems like I spent the rest of … Continue reading

Posted in grieving, reflection, seasons, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | 5 Comments

I would like to thank the Academy…

…Har har har. In all seriousness, I would like to thank psychologydegree.net, a website devoted to promoting psychology programs, for recognizing my blog in its “2010 Top Widowhood Blog” award category. Most of the other award-winners were already on my … Continue reading

Posted in blog award, grieving, reflection, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | 2 Comments

One Year…

…as of last Saturday, November 6th. I was too full of grief that weekend to post. I went up to NY for the one-year memorial service. It was good. More on that later. It’s still too fresh now… I hear … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grieving, reflection, seasons, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | Leave a comment

Eleven months, and Sunday would have been our third anniversary

I look at the roses he gave me last year. I had just finished drying them. I only saved the rosebuds. I would have saved the roses entire if I’d known they were to be The Last Roses. They weren’t … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grieving, reflection, seasons, unwedded widowhood, widowhood | 3 Comments

Light my way out of darkness

O Lord,I am so lost   Help meLight my way out of darkness.   O Lord,You who are The light of the world,Light my way out of darkness.   O Lord,   You who are   A consuming fire   Light my way out of … Continue reading

Posted in desert, grief poem, grief poem I wrote, Israel in the desert, poem, poetry, prayer, reflection | Leave a comment

Things I dread…

I dread October. October 3rd was our anniversary. That weekend last year was also the last time I saw him alive. That will be 11 months’ sadiversary, one year since I saw him alive…Dread, dread, dread… Labor Day weekend was … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grieving, reflection, seasons, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow | Leave a comment

Hearts shouldn’t stop before their time

Hearts shouldn’t stop before their time;They should work properly, and do what they’re told. Folks should wait to die, for when they’re good and old;To die beforetime breaks all sense and reason.  No, They should wait, til they’re long past … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grief poem, grief poem I wrote, grieving, poem, poem I wrote, poetry, reflection, seasons, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | 5 Comments

The Long Sojourn

How do I get there? To the place of unmisery     To that place that isn’t    The worst of places to be–  How do I get there?Does it exist anywhere? Where’s my directions?   I’m tired; I’m tired of traveling … Continue reading

Posted in desert, grief, grief poem, grief poem I wrote, grieving, Israel in the desert, poem, poem I wrote, poetry, reflection, Sojourn, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood, wilderness | 1 Comment

Jabberwocky’s Cousin

Beware the counterfactual hypotheticalThe jaws that bite, the teeth that snatch;Beware the jub-jub bird, and shunThe frumious bandersnatch. The counterfactual hypotheticalThat cousin to the Jabberwock–That knits a daisy chain of IfsThat trap you fast, after it stalks. It lies in … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grief poem, grief poem I wrote, grieving, poetry, reflection, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widowhood | 2 Comments

Meaningful pseudonyms

So there was a church event tonight and I had a chance to chat with a friend that I haven’t chatted with in a while. We talked about a mutual friend (isn’t she great?) and I mentioned having chatted with … Continue reading

Posted in grief, labels, reflection, titles, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | 3 Comments

Rejoice? O Unwedded Widow…

I’ve done a lot of connecting with widows online lately, and I’m feeling more and more comfortable self-identifying as such. It’s liberating. There’s a word for me! I’ll just add a modifier. “Unmarried widow.” It reminds me of the classic … Continue reading

Posted in grief, reflection, titles, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | 4 Comments

I found The Real Thing.

True love. The whole nine yards. It’s true. It’s possible. It happened to me. And then, in a half-hour to forty-five minutes, I had lost him. He died. I found out a half hour later. I nearly fainted. It was … Continue reading

Posted in grief, labels, reflection, titles, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | 20 Comments