Author Archives: Hira Animfefte

About Hira Animfefte

I am an unwedded widow whose beloved died in November 2009. This is my story.

On Thursday it will be five years.

What an impossibly long time. I’ve already passed the milestone of Nelson having been dead for as long as we were together. Then I passed the milestone of him being dead for longer than we were together. We had two … Continue reading

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Grief triggers…

  Today, I encountered one. It’s pretty easy to encounter them in my line of work, actually–plenty of situations where you might find them. So there was one. But it’s not just that. It’s this time of year. This time … Continue reading

Posted in CPE, fall, grief, grief season, grieving, loss, PTSD, seasons, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

October is coming.

I know I’ve not posted for a while. I thought that once I finished my internship, I’d have time to post to my blog. Well, no. I spent the summer scrambling to get a chaplain residency, which I was able … Continue reading

Posted in CPE, grief, hospital chaplaincy, labels, loss, seasons, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Life at the hospital

I am just about to finish a nine-month hospital chaplaincy internship at a major urban hospital. This has been the main reason why my posts have fallen off so sharply. It’s one thing to be processing one’s own grief and … Continue reading

Posted in CPE, grief, PTSD | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Thanks for following the breadcrumbs…

…I’m sure we’ll have some fun here on WordPress. Or at least some good times. Or at least some times. Ok. One thing is certain: Blogging shall occur, here, on WordPress, by me. And hopefully it shall be enjoyed by … Continue reading

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coal and diamonds

I hope thatall this pressurehas a purpose.If that ream of coalwere sentientwould it cry outas it’s made into diamond?Let this be for something.Oh, let this be for something.If I’m to be crushed–and I am crushed–I am utterly crushed,I am brought … Continue reading

Posted in grief poem, grief poem I wrote, grieving, prayer, unwedded widowhood | 2 Comments

I thought I knew you; what did I know?

I’m looking through you Where did you go?I thought I knew you What did I know?You don’t look different But you have changed I’m looking through you You’re not the same Your lips are moving I cannot hear Your voice … Continue reading

Posted in friends, grief, grieving, loss, loss of friends, reflection, rejection, sadness | 2 Comments

Thaes oferaode, thisses swa maeg–That was overcome, this also may…

My dear readers, I apologise for not writing. It has been an awful, horrible, no good, very bad fall. I’m so glad it’s over with. Every time I was about to write something, it seemed I had another assignment due … Continue reading

Posted in depression, Everybody Hurts, fall, grief, grief season, grieving, R.E.M., sadness | Leave a comment

Punchy Tips for Great Unsolicited Advice

This post was originally posted on my old blog on May 31, 2010. I still need to post something reflective about my CPE experience, but it’s still in the process of ending, so I’ll write about it once it’s fully wrapped … Continue reading

Posted in advice, DGI, grief, grieving, kazoos, silliness | 1 Comment

CPE, CPE, CPE, is there anything else? Oh yeah, CPE…

So it looks like I missed the big Camp Widow contest……Win a scholarship to Camp Widow, yada yada yada…Yes, I missed it. I have been running myself ragged and am plumb wore out. Let’s say, in theory, I’d won…I’d still … Continue reading

Posted in CPE, hospital chaplaincy, reflection | 2 Comments

May is among the cruelest months.

November is the cruelest month. (Sorry, T.S. Eliot…November, not April.) That was when Nelson died. This is the month of the six-month sadiversary…this year, it’s a year and six months. Everything is counted by that. Everything. May is a heavy … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grieving, reflection, seasons, T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land", unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widowhood | 3 Comments

Good news! Summer internship! Yay!

I have neglected my poor blog, and you, dear readers. But there was a reason for it, and the reason was good. The reason was that I was BUSY. Really busy. Busier than I’ve been since Nelson died and I … Continue reading

Posted in CPE, grief, grief group, hospital chaplaincy, ouch, yay | 4 Comments

Finally feeling better–at last!

It certainly took long enough! Good grief! Just an update to let ya’ll know how I am. Better. Much better. And when I compare me now to me last year, I can’t believe how much better I’m doing and how … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grieving, illness | 8 Comments

It’s been a rough month.

Really, really rough. I’m on my fourth round of antibiotics. Two of them this time, twice daily. To go all month. Still on them. And just at the point that I was starting to feel a little better, I caught … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grieving, illness | 4 Comments

Sick and tired of being sick and tired…

I am sick. I have been sick since the week after Thanksgiving. I got an infection that never really went away, and eventually turned into a kidney infection (acute pyelonephretis, for you Latin-lovers out there). If you’re wondering why I … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grieving, illness | 14 Comments

So. Christmas. And New Year. Yeah.

It went ok.The beginning of the month was hard. The beginning of the month is always hard. Because that’s when It Happened, you know. It’s the every-month-sadiversary. I do not like it.And it seems like I spent the rest of … Continue reading

Posted in grieving, reflection, seasons, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | 5 Comments

I would like to thank the Academy…

…Har har har. In all seriousness, I would like to thank psychologydegree.net, a website devoted to promoting psychology programs, for recognizing my blog in its “2010 Top Widowhood Blog” award category. Most of the other award-winners were already on my … Continue reading

Posted in blog award, grieving, reflection, unwedded widow, unwedded widowhood, widow, widowhood | 2 Comments

One Year…

…as of last Saturday, November 6th. I was too full of grief that weekend to post. I went up to NY for the one-year memorial service. It was good. More on that later. It’s still too fresh now… I hear … Continue reading

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Eleven months, and Sunday would have been our third anniversary

I look at the roses he gave me last year. I had just finished drying them. I only saved the rosebuds. I would have saved the roses entire if I’d known they were to be The Last Roses. They weren’t … Continue reading

Posted in grief, grieving, reflection, seasons, unwedded widowhood, widowhood | 3 Comments

Light my way out of darkness

O Lord,I am so lost   Help meLight my way out of darkness.   O Lord,You who are The light of the world,Light my way out of darkness.   O Lord,   You who are   A consuming fire   Light my way out of … Continue reading

Posted in desert, grief poem, grief poem I wrote, Israel in the desert, poem, poetry, prayer, reflection | Leave a comment