Sick and tired of being sick and tired…

I am sick. I have been sick since the week after Thanksgiving. I got an infection that never really went away, and eventually turned into a kidney infection (acute pyelonephretis, for you Latin-lovers out there). If you’re wondering why I haven’t been posting much, that would be why.

On Wednesday, January 5th, I went to South Carolina with my mom and aunt, to visit relatives. This turned out to be a bad idea. I got worse, and there was nowhere to go but the local emergency room. In spite of my telling them that I had seen actual visible blood in my urine in the toilet the day before, nobody there even touched me. No doctor, no nurse, nobody. They just did a cursory look at the urine sample, gave me a ten-day course of Cipro, and sent me home to get worse.

After a miserable twelve-hour drive north (usually only ten, but twelve because of my being sick) last Thursday, I wound up seeing my regular doctor on Friday. She said I needed to go to the local ER to get a CaT scan to rule out appendicitis. I cried. I cussed. “F***!” I said. I cannot afford this. I cannot afford anything. I can’t even afford my regular prescriptions right now. It’s a good thing they don’t charge you for breathing…but wait, they sort of do, since I’m asthmatic. Damn.

At any rate, I was able to get some sort of poverty help thing at the hospital. I was poked, prodded, CaT scanned, and appendicitis was ruled out. Everything CaT-scannable in my innards checks out fine. So there’s that. They sent me home with a new, expensive antibiotic (thankfully, giving me the first dose while there!). They also gave me morphine, which was good, since all the prodding and poking only exacerbated the pain in said innards. And I am no pain wimp.

So, I saw my doctor again on Monday, my urine checks out ok–blood-free. She speculates I might have had a kidney stone. She tells me to finish the antibiotic, and if I’m still sick when it’s over with, to call her up for another appointment.

At this point it looks like the agony part of my sickness adventure is over with and I am down to the tired/wrung-out feeling part.

I’d like to rest for a million years. But I have to find a job and beat off my scary bills with a stick. I almost miss how I felt a year ago, when I was so much in agony over losing Nelson that I couldn’t really worry about practical things, at least not as much. Worry would nibble at me, but it wouldn’t grab. Now…well, it’s like worry has gone from goldfish to piranhas. I really preferred the goldfish.

And it’s not like the missing Nelson part has gone away, either. That’s still there. It’s there with the piranhas.

And here I was thinking 2011 was going to be a better year…I’ve gotten off to an epically bad start! Oy. Bozhe moi gospodi. Gospodi pomilui. Oh my God. Lord have mercy.


About Hira Animfefte

I am an unwedded widow whose beloved died in November 2009. This is my story.
This entry was posted in grief, grieving, illness. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Sick and tired of being sick and tired…

  1. Boo says:

    oh this is terrible. To say the least. I mean what we go through is more than anyone should ever have to endure … but to be ill on top of it … even if I just have a bad cold or a tummy bug, the grief is so much harder to bear – it makes me so low that I can't even see light at the end of any tunnel, not a speck. And stress about paying for medical assistance, my heart is reaching over there for you, truly.I know a really old Indian remedy for kidney stones, and it helped my husband when he got them (after the meds didn't seem to do anything). You may laugh and ignore and I wouldn't blame you … because the remedy does sound weird, but hey, I thought I should share it with you just in case … if you do try it, it wouldn't hurt you but please don't do this till after you've completed any medicines …ok … buy a husk of corn (corn on the cob) and ensure you buy one with the "hairs" on it (you know the "hairs" that are yellowish and as long as the husk itself). Take the "hairs" off – you need 6 of them. Put in pan of cold water and boil. Let it cool. Boil and cool two more times. Remove "hairs". Drink water within 12 hours (don't need to drink it all at once – I used a medium saucepanful).Who knows? If it works, it works. I don't mind if you think I'm lala :-)hugs and more hugs

  2. Hey, I'm game to try it. The only question is, do I have enough money in my wallet to buy an ear of corn? I'm honestly not sure…(It sucks to be this skint broke.)

  3. And, Boo–thanks! and ((((HUGS)))))

  4. Boo says:

    oh Hira hugs back at you, and health x

  5. DarcKnyt says:

    I read this post and it broke my heart. I know how much it stinks to live in fear. I've lived in fear, literally, for years on end, worry, afraid, and having my car taken away in the middle of the night.Unemployment and sickness don't help. If it matters, I'm glad you're on the upswing and I'll say a prayer for you.

  6. @DarcKnyt-Fortunately, getting my car taken away is one thing I don't have to be afraid of. I own it straight up. BUT…I'm not paying for it, my parents are, so I'm just glad they haven't talked about limiting my car access.My mom has been talking about limiting my computer access. This is not helping things. Thanks for your prayers.I'm planning to go to the local employment agency tomorrow. Hopefully ahead of the forecast snow. Oy!

  7. By paying for it (my car) I was referring to those things like gas and insurance that enable a person to keep a paid-for car running. The car is still paid for and the title is in my name. So there's that!

  8. DarcKnyt says:

    And that's something. I have the title to my car too — and a full-time job finally, after almost 9 years! — and even if I can afford a new one, I'm NOT getting rid of this one.

  9. I am so sorry that you went through all that. I know what it's like to be poked and prodded when you're in pain – been there, done that. And my heart really went out to you when I read that part! Thank God you are on the mend. I am praying that 2011 will be a wonderful year for you!Stacy

  10. Sandy says:

    You just started following me on twitter so I had to check out your blog. I lost my TJ November 25, 2009 so we are about the same time out. I am very sorry for your loss and I know how difficult it is and of course unemployment does not help at all. Good luck in finding a job, I will be praying for you.

  11. Thank you, Sandy. I've been ignoring twitter but I got back on it to check the news on Egypt, and since I was there I started finding new people to follow…I'm glad I found you. Always good to meet a new widow friend. ((((HUGS)))) I am very sorry for your loss too. May your TJ's memory be eternal. Thank you for your prayers.

  12. s'me says:

    Unwedded widowhood bites. I've still got issues with the not-ex-enough-ex-wife of my man, because they were still married, although we'd been together for 4 years!Hugs for the feeling poorlyness. It's one time when I love England and the NHS!

  13. @sm'e– ((((((((HUGS)))))))))) back atcha. I wish we had an NHS in the US. Of course, if we had, Nelson wouldn't have been uninsured, and maybe his heart problem would have been dealt with, and aargh…counterfactual hypothetical again.Yes, I wish we had an NHS too.That sucks about your man's not ex-enough-ex-wife. People get so possessive of their loved ones after they die…The book we could write…((((HUGS))))) in widow solidarity, sweetie.

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